wanker of the week,...or, I almost died this morning!

O.K., So I've been wanting to award wanker of the week to some tosser for quite some time now. But it's definitely not something that you can force. Know what I mean? A buddy was bugging me (slightly) to start a weekly column on wanker's, so I finally decided to punk out this older guy in the office, (until this morning). Annoying office dude, you'll get yours, but until next week you gotta hear this story.
Dropped my lovely bride off at UK this morning as usual and proceeded to head up the road for a tasty bagel. All of 15 feet from where I dropped Ang off at, was a stop sign. (Imagine how most hospitals look from the front with an overpass and then a small service road to get back onto the main road.) Of course there was a large white Dodge Ram heading in my direction, so I stopped. The problem with this simple day to day task was that Dodge Ram, (let's call him Earl Bubba) decided he was going to stop right in the middle of the road to let someone out of the car. HHmm, I thought. This is quite odd. He's totally blocked me in. O.K., no prob, i'll ease ever-so-slightly out and avoid his massive vehicle so he can tell Bertha how much he loves her. Don't forget patient readers that it was of course my duty as a responsible driver to give him a nice, friendly toot of the horn to let him know of his inadequacies. I did so, and shortly recieved the mother of all horn blasts from this fool. Geez, I thought,......geez,.....just trying to get by man. So I proceeded to give him a raised fist in the air. Now, this was a decent jesture, nothing obscene. You know how you kind of pump your arm in the air when your favorite sports team scores, or, oh ya,...remember that Adam Sandler movie with the guy who said,...."O'Doyle Rules!", and then pumped his fist? Kind of like that. Well that set Earl Bubba off!, I mean that dodge ram was revin', and I mean hard. Nano-seconds later I had a 3 ton vehicle on my butt. Of course I ended up turning left and he was going right so he got the opportunity he was born for. I mean this guy wakes up in the morning to yell at people. You could tell, he was definitely in his element. So he pulls up right next to me, and proceeds to recitie every foul word in the dictionary. "Rabid Dog", is how I am going to describe him. 2 or 3 times, he acted like he was going to get out and eat me for 2nd breakfast. Now here is the brilliant thing. I let him run wild on me and commenced to lean over and hold my hand up to my ear. I started mouthing that I couldn't hear him,....after 3 or 4,..."what!?,.....what!?,...man,.......I can't hear you(s) he got madder! It was hilarious. He wanted so badly for me to fear him, and the thought of me not being able to receive my verbal brandishing turned his narrow little world upside down. Man, you had to be there. Engine still reving, (he used a week's worth of fuel in 30 seconds) he finally pulled off to go install the dry wall at the new McDonald's. So without further ado, my first ever wanker of the week award goes to Mr. Earl Bubba. Enjoy!

listening to right now: Trouble (Eve of Destruction) by Blackalicious

(i'm coming for you lennie, whoever you are!)

jessers