() - this isn't official - this wasn't me

(I-I-I look to long walks &
sometimes silent films -
catharsis reigns in emotive tactics
celluloid freaks-out, burns manic
covered self in formaldehyde base
transient folk breach sufficient home plate
bring the pain light match stick fire
sulfur small game promote situation dire
leanings to the left mix conservative bias
felt up politic choice fell down pious
reserved scene for surreal expectations
---black & white hoax~strong intentions
midnight wet street light swamp
oil fight run street corner stomp

Vienna, Vienna!
run man run
under the gun
the thumb drops dumb
sing praise director
choice direction strong
european bop on france out -
all get out
Miles Davis smoke
on film flop title bout
be-bop be-bop
bang it goes drop
budding young things
in frilly piano strings
discover dialogue tongue
speak easy being
crime wave style cool -
american influence drool
from'a camera lens
obscure-reproduce
mentalist-deduce
microfilm photostat shoot
gun drop bogey
body parts droop
menace mystery nights
40's dark attire
lit by light from afternoon fire
prime example indy feel slow
sludge, trudge, move
get got going good
move man move
your in the "view"
no funk, no funk car chase
no fun man 70's romp
decade face swing pace
all things mean green
these days swoop
down, down motion pic crack
space truck star blast kill
motion baby, moving, moving still
get this scene - scene kids rule geek
noise true moving too soon.)

AAHHHHH!! (watch out! - get out!)

fail at something today. (don't read this)

(& quickly: I almost chuckled at myself after writing that - for obvious reasons - confused as to why - but can you see the slight humor in something like that? I guess it's more funny than serious, more ridiculous than true & more in jest than literal)

there's no way I can put into words how I feel right now - & that's odd because on the day it wasn't quite so bad. big thanks to all my family members & mates for making the bash a success & I guess I was so pre0occupied with going out afterwards, hanging out, driving around, etc., etc., that pain & anxiety are only now this very morning setting in (& I'm quite surprised at actually how tired I am).

I knew it was going to be rough when "natural disaster" by Andrew Bird played during the morning commute. but I seem to almost be at a loss for words - hopefully this Cafe' Verona will unlock something special for you in my mind, but I almost feel like I've let you down in a way - a BIG way! - (& for that, I apologize) we all have odd or indifferent ways of handling defeat, sadness, pain, etc., did I suppress it? Unsure. Only time will tell. I know now that I won't be myself for quite sometime & OH! "the golden age" by Beck just came on - ahh - how fitting! (solemn)

when you think about how big this was - when you allow a little time for reflection - when you've followed these faces, personalities, abilities, story lines, accomplishments, victories!, good times, bad times, journeys, etc., all year long, - & everything seemingly culminates in the end - at the top of that mountain I was talking about - then aahh -- GGAAWW! (maybe a pretty good slip from your left foot off that mtn. top) it's just difficult to function in your normal capacities - listen, I don't expect everyone to be able to understand how I feel, or why I feel this way - (& keep in mind, i've mentioned nothing of a sporting event, career decision, marriage, divorce, child birth, sickness, death, promotion, winning lotto ticket, knee injury, fist fight, rock concert, -- this can be for anything, for anyone) use my pain for your overall well being - learn from a general tub of life - that little daily devotions can be picked out of & read aloud for educational purposes.

keep this with you for your time of need - & it'll help you in knowing that you're not alone - it's like Skinner & "dry your eyes mate", - we all go through monumental BS & it's only how we interact with our friends & family & maybe art that will bring us through - but I seem to think that pain can be bigger than art - but that's a whole other topic that hopefully I'll never (have to) discuss.

I think i'll "go away" for a while. remember though that I say this w/love & devotion in my cold, cold heart. dont forget sense of community type stuff/proper downtown situation/beauty & all that "stuff". who knows, maybe we'll talk again sometime. I'm just done.

this is it, this is why I get up for work everyday, we're talking planetary-type stuff here. (live from the eternal city)

& by that I mean the 2 best football teams on the planet - each lead by the 2 best footballers on the planet, (in the biggest, most important match possibly imagined!)

Ronaldo & Messi

but also involved (in the mix) : Rooney, Tevez, Thierry Henry, Eto'o, Xavi, Iniesta, Carrick, Vidic, Ferdinand,...

MANCHESTER UNITED v BARCELONA

GGAAWW!

this it it though, I'll soon sign off & leave you to it, it's up to you now, (this is epic & again, what it's all about) I can hold your hand no longer, we've come a long way together & at some point along the journey I hope you've learned something or experienced something special & maybe even I've opened up your eyes to something incredible here & most importantly beautiful, free flowing, passion-filled, etc. love this game as I do & pass it on to your kids, & one day we'll all experience a match together quite possibly in Manchester or Spain or maybe even Germany, & I'm getting close to semi-emotional here & I only know that it's a father-child situation,......etc

(the BIGGEST game on the planet) where will you be?

Don't let me down-COME ON UNITED!!

gas dance (funk fart GGAAWW!!)

lot's to do, say, plan, invite, organize, decorate, purchase, tidy, before the big match tomorrow. & i put this question out yesterday somewhere, but where will you be when history is made? & I know that sounds quite assumptive (which i hate) but at this point when the nerves start to set in & my mind starts to play out formations, scenarios, (gosh! it seems like just yesterday I was writing this same type stuff for last year's Final - do you remember Moscow?) match ups, tactics, line ups, substitutes, etc., then I tend to just let it all go & hope for the best - you follow me?

but more on all that later - i was up last night from 2:30am w/incredible gas & yes, I think that was why I couldn't sleep & may have caught like 1 to 2 hours from about 5am on - of course i did the whole over-sleep-rush-bang-smash outta the house no break-fast tradition- can i say that i wish to not experience another grilled-out burger for like weeks on end? don't get me wrong, they were all great but 3, 4 days in a row can destroy a man, (& think of all the best soup ever beans i had, dang) & I'm quite miserable right now with a full day ahead - but don't they say "proper planning prevents poor performance?"

I'm now on my 2nd styrofoam cup of work coffee, it's quite terrible & I can officially see no end in sight. gotta get myself pumped up before tomorrow though because I'm banging outta here at like mid-day to pick up my mate (bro) & then we gotta fuel ourselves & then bangbam that's it, it'll be gladiator time. OK, now wish us luck & love & kisses - GGAAWW! Twitter is exploding with CL-type stuff. must stay abreast of all the happenings, news, gossip. I'm so in love with this.

I wonder if,......

(OH monumental S! -I totally forgot - all this gas & football talk -- the new Grizzly Bear album Veckatimest officially comes out today - I'm so purchasing it. go to your local & do the same - front runner for album of the year already)

more later-gotta go love you guys a lot.

when the whistle blows (don't mess with me)

(was the fictional show that Andy Millman created in Ricky Gervais' phenomenal 2nd show Extras)

OK, glad we got that outta the way - no point whatsoever involved in that. But for real, some whistles did blow today & the English Premier League season is now completed with New Castle United's relegation down to the Coca-Cola Championship being the shock result of the day. Crazy! because they are somewhat a decent size club & next year will be interesting for them playing in the lower division. but all in all another incredible season & United claim their 18th title & the league itself just keeps getting better & better & more entertaining,.........

have you seen a film this weekend?

i haven't yet & thinking about going tomorrow but the other night I got real mad because a mate bumped me & i spilled my drink a bit & got all enraged & turned into like a proper terminator situation

off for some beer & a cookout.

this kind of just blew my mind a little:

some of you know my fascination with all things Twitter & this AM I was poking & prodding over there & saw an old friend of mine (we've met before-outside club-d-town Columbus situation-I think someone experienced tears) named Colin Meloy - he employs himself in some sort of musical enterprise-always reading & writing, etc -

but he posted the following link that quite possibly made me stand up from my chair, turn around in a circle, & sit back down with excitement. (has anyone actually ever sat down with excitement?)

Reason?

I was just thinking this EXACT SAME THING only 2 days ago.

Whose up for it with me? I'm so doing it:

http://www.infinitesummer.org/

(lemme know)

please enjoy your weekend responsibly.

camera obscura (something about pop?)

I recently stumbled upon the new Camera Obscura album which is better than good so I'll take just a minute & introduce you to it, (in a second) (minutes & seconds abound). Camera Obscura is a sort of Indie-Pop situation w/strings/chamber pop from Glasgow. (think Belle & Sebastian themes) totally relevant to balance out a playlist.

but that same person I share a surname with seems to disagree with me on the definition of Pop music - which I guess is incredibly relative & all based on who you're talking to, i.e., a 14 year-old girl would have a different opinion than a 27 year old man. I know this, (skip to the end)

OK, in my opinion what I'm about to show you is as close as possible to a perfect "pop" sound, & out of respect, I'll now put that word in quotes since I am that 27 year old man & don't agree that Britney Spears-esq music is the kind of music I classify as "pop".

Now, I'm not saying it isn't pop, but it's just not what I consider "pop". The term "pop" originally & obviously derived from "Popular" & was used to not necessarily define a sound, but used more to term what kids were listening to in the early days of Rock n Roll. BUT, TIMES CHANGE! & music changes & kids taste in music evolve & new forms of music emerge & new ways of getting music surface which forces words like "pop" to become totally relative to the listener.

(& Yes, I know that even the mention of trying to classify music is ridiculous & futile to a certain point, BUT,....this is what I do, it takes up some of my morning time)

Remember the Feist album from a few years ago? What were your thoughts on that? Feist-ain't-no-Spears & that album misses not one single note, & remains such a perfect blend of what truly defines "pop" music to me. Simply incredible & laced with flowing, subtle & delicate beauty.

Bottom line: I have an opinion, go figure. (Hey, It's me) enjoy or don't

bright eyed & slushy tailed (energie cottbus)

isn't that the saying? No, II'm serious- I'm having a memory lapse right now. there's a saying about being awake early, etc., etc. & it sounds not quite right to me, but if someone could page me with the correct answer, I'd be forever grateful. but man it's early-but im up for this & currently listening to some pretty good music from XMU (channel 831 on DirectTV)

the new Dinosaur Jr

Grouper

bat for lashes

any-

sorry about my lapse recently- I know now that the joy I spread is an inspiration not matched this side of the Carahoute river monument. but some should remember that my brain is not a vending machine that you can simply put a quarter in & out comes a delicious, unhealthy snack. this is quality stuff here & remember that eating healthy is not cheap. (hehehaha)(that was an incredible anology)

but this weekend coming up has got me all hot & bothered-nervous/excited for possibilities of fellowship & it's also true that a cookout/get together has at least been mentioned for everyday available---SO WHAT?!

all the shows are now over (& i've had my fair share of time travel recently)- i can focus on the wire & reading books/comics period! 24 was epic, best finale ever! hugely dramatic, epic & the writing on that show continues to impress-still fresh after 7 years. all should be involved.

& have you heard of this German football club called Energie Cottbus? someone who shares a surname with me exploded w/laughter when they saw a television program featuring them & then I got attempted to get all serious & yell & say, "why can't you take this seriously!?!" Blah!! Then I knew I over reacted but never apologized, but i'm realizing right this moment that they may have one of the top 5 coolest names ever for a sporting outfit. Wanna hear it again?

Energie Cottbus

that could mean so many things & intimidating if marketing/color schemes went the right way.



what cool/interesting names have you ever heard of for a sporting club? (doesn't have to be football, but this is like an official homework assignment-GAW! i feel so 5th grade right now-but innocent.Good Day!

straight gangsta'

& by that I mean I just got done eating cereal/banana combo-checked out a few minutes of the Milan match from y-day-worked out for 45-got under water systems-then set upon this new Grizzly Bear album & proceeded to empty the dishwasher & make the bed & the kicker? it's only 9:05 on a sunny cool Sunday morning-Man, I'm productive.

& also like a hard dude, ya know?
but aforementioned music & the like, & i've just been away tinkering & figuring & such & stumbled upon some of the REALLY good stand out tracks from Veckatimest which i think hits stores in a few weeks or so, maybe even this tue-so don't skim these tracks because i worked hard on this & im totally off for coffee in a bit with a mate & we'll discuss football & life & caffeine & man i hope i get to see this band live soon --Oh! before i forget interesting little paul simon cover on this-enjoy & cheers

the sherry end, pt. 4

(back!)

So last night we re-convened after a few weeks off to round out what was essentially the first complete round of TSE. The last mate got to force feed some dull Hallmark romantic comedy down our throats, something with dogs & really bland banana republic-esq clothing- & GAW! the terrible Starbucks soundtrack & this dialogue to force fingers to be cut off & anyway the lead woman really wasn't that attractive & I know now that the leading man in the film dates that bloke from Lord of the Rings, but Geez, the more I think about this, MAn! this project has totally failed because it was conceived to inspire a truthful & beautiful spirit for film & all things discussion based & look where it's led us,....I guess this can now officially be the last post in TSE's history, but before I go let me first say,........



PSYCHE!

haha-busted fools!

(so get to it Chula)

OK, OK,

The film Primer was Benton's selection & a semi-risky one but more on that in a bit. Primer was the first film so far (besides my pick) that I'd already seen. That was OK with me because if you've seen this film once, you haven't really seen it. I mean I've seen it twice now & still barely get it, but that's also OK because it has an incredible look & indie feel to it. More importantly, the major themes in the film are easy to follow & invoke interesting ideas & thoughts.

Primer is an extremely low budget (est. $6,000 - $7,000) American (semi) Science-Fiction film about 2 young engineers who accidentally discover time travel. Upon their discovery, they largely devote their time to making easy money, i.e., buying stocks, betting, etc. Soon the temptation to change other aspects of their lives overwhelms them & their friendship starts to crumble.

The film was written & directed by former mathematician & engineer Shane Carruth. Carruth has said he intended the major theme of the film to focus on the breakdown of the relationship between the films 2 central characters. He saw them as scientifically competent but failing in ethical ideals. This would provide the film with it's main moral theme. The film itself challenges even the brightest & sharpest of film fans, Carruth intentionally included the use of short hand jargon used by actual scientists to keep a sense of authenticity.

Ultimately Primer is an incredibly well made, well thought out & very intelligent film. These facts however don't make it the movie for all audiences. If you choose to view this film I'd recommend not necessarily trying to understand the intricate dialogue & confusing time lines. Look at the bigger themes & ideas the director is trying to convey, unless you're a mathematician, scientific engineer, or simply a genius, this may be the only way you'll leave it with your mind still intact. Enjoy, or don't.

before push ups, after decaf.

sometimes on spring evenings after we've been out & already had 2 glorious beers & told stories of regretful moments & licked our lips with the spiciest food we could find -
yeah, i'll still looksee for beautiful little escapes from present certainty that I dare not face front forward -
hrs away from a repeat of yesterday,
the same thing tomorrow as today,
a long gray hay day
where i only parlay
with unsuspecting prisoners
of their own misfortune
already regretting past decisions
(ways to relate a day's wage).

before i'm able to take my muscle relaxer for the night i may treasure hunt seek for just such little missing piece of secondary rustic paper-electric fuzz stimulation (i usually can't find anyone) until my man heart revives it's waning melancholy droop-syndrome into mountain top fresh waterfall crisp air. it's during these times of perplexing mix-ups that i may stumble (like proper knee popping old man) upon explanations of life's intensity & delicate beauty-quite the conundrum if you've followed my path thus far into weary woods of miracle losers, but anyway-

things of interest, notes of subtle-ness, words of visual interpretation, kisses of meaningful delight, touches of warmth & love, pictures that move to create long, flowing symphonies of imagination, moments of bravery, moments of uncertainty for that matter, moments of hearsay/truth, really, stumbling bumbling along this broken rd of a wanna-be delightful path that forks & arrows uncontrollably & ambles downwards across rivers & forests where innocent bystanders have their cars & movers & shakers parked/pulled offways looking for better directions to the mountain top destination where the air is that much cleaner. & in these times it's when i wonder what old Duluoz woulda done to rid himself of indifferent thoughts to a more amorous place but it's not long before i can quite quickly take pages of mention & insert dull mind into relative heat reflex & imagine to get caught up fish like in a tale of his longing & desire only to have & love some woman that if my insights serve me expertly (&they do) he'd just like to have a few moments of romp & roll with her but his explanations of night time (or daytime for that matter) exploits should succeed in accomplishments bigger & further than the task at hand & I suppose at this time you should just take his word for it-

"........and woulda worked as a grim bejacketed gloved and bebaseballhatted brakeman in the cold New England night, for her and her Irish ivory thighs, her marshmallow lips, her and her brogue and "God's Green Earth" and her two daughters-- How I would have laid her across the bed at night all mine and laborious sought her rose, her mine of a thing, that emerald dark and hero thing I want---remember her silk thighs in tight jeans, the way she folded back one thigh under her hands and sighed as we watched Television together--in her mother's parlor that last haunted 1954 trip I took in Lowell--Ah, the rose vines, the river mud, the run of her, the eyes--A woman for old Duluoz? Unbelievable by my stove in desolation midnight that it should be true--Maggie Adventure--

& then after that, almost a little sad feeling among all that beauty & honesty because of just a slight inkling of a lingering moment where a little forlorn & lonely doubt creep in to that literary, traveling, bumbling, drinking, thinking, writing hero of mine- a slight realization that the possibility exists that sitting next to that midnight fire of his, that yes, it is now quite unbelievable that he'd
end up
wrapped up
in all that passion & lust-love & his dear tragic Maggie will end up just that, a tragic dream as his travels & promenades take him elsewhere - away from her thighs & she'll remain only an adventure in his memories between precisely now & the end of either his or her life. What a dream!

but you begin to see that through all this, these mind wandering, sauntering walks that we take together that these simple up's & down's are what life is mostly trying to convey to us, that there is no longer a flat, clear, playing surface-we are destined for bumps in the rd up to the mountain fresh brilliant sparkling water-air & if we can discover
nicks of beauty
or remember
thoughts of honesty
throughout the journey
then we are at least trying at something in life & who really knows what else?

sports retired from:

Indoor Soccer - circa late 2006

Badminton - circa yesterday

he's done his knee in again mates - goodbye & good day

i'm a shining star

when will you back me?
will you reminisce me?
i want free stuff
i want to leave this place
i'm making a play list
i cover up the time
i cover up your theme
i'm just getting rolling
disco queen gold dust mix up
mix tape rock tracks dust up
fix things broke-mean track suit
bottom dwellers cheap & gleam
fri-guy meets sensational rock band
hospital mix up-details at ten
sonic silver sound transpose
melodic melodies mx
cool jazz swing thing
meaningful thing-knowwhatimean?
string bean jean-
help heart beat explosion tunes
dialogue on times-front page news
sensation singing utter phobia ringing
proposition hate speech dialogue
blues busted funk tree bird
swingkick football bruised thump
you with inner most mind funk
thick big tick like dump truck
bass slap beat track bee-bop dust up
fist fight utter shit pVc bang up-
piss up prague
missed train hopes nelsons square
horror show shock flowing blasts
cymbal bang crash
bang fling flang
brilliant ringing devices clang
thought missed open chances-
get laid electric cheap leather zip up
fly out folk rendition acoustic revolution
fallout shining star trail dust sniff up
get high get large write bfore wake up
soothe nerve forget this act out beat box
hip hop lyric flow lock down lock box
drop rhythm rhyme series book
word trip blow up
ixnae on the ebay-online purchase-ae
roon swoon hero moon make out
teenage locale smoke out no doubt
peace be with thee me he she see thing-
Yell! Sing!-as all get out-helsing
ring ring door thing
man approach with bling bling
hot snatch hopscotch
hotscratch balls out-get out
place for kook made right side comedy troupe
lost last lines re-write,
re-write, all in good time.

ley's just say,...

.....awaits!

(It was NEVER a penalty - it was NEVER a straight red for Fletch. My heart goes out to that Scottish lad, the wee man, he'll now miss the final & that's unfortunate because he's been one of United's most consistent players. It seemed like we never really had to get out of first gear to totally dominate that game. What a treat it was, huge Champions League Final party at my place on the day - you best be getting off work now lads)



(never!)
look at the dejection on his face though (#24) - he knows he just got screwed out of the biggest match of his life. so i'm starting something new called "free fletch", in hopes of getting him his shot in Rome. We'll see what happens, I know I have a lot of pull in European sporting matters -

So today is also the 2nd leg of the other semi, we'll see who it is we're going to play- Chelsea or Barcelona- Epic!-w/love

this "English" thing!

& by that I'm referencing Diane Keaton as Kay Adams Corleone in the Godfather 2 when she's really having it out with Michael & at some point she says "this Sicilian thing that's been going on for 2,000 years". it's referring to the quote unquote abortion & how their marriage has also become quite like an abortion, something un-holy & evil & I can't remember the exact lines but totally incredible & powerful & I'll never forget the first time I saw the scene in that film & wished upon a star that I'd never feel the wrath of a woman in that manner or never treat any human in a way that they'd want to give me an ear full like that & then Michael hits her & it's all down hill for him after that- & i swear to you if you've seen the film 300 times or never seen it at all, go back & FF to that scene & just watch the hatred & fire well up into Michael's eyes, it's amazing & completely unreal how he's able to project such intensity in that scene- so find it & then pause it right there & you'll see - GGGAAWWW! what a great film totally from start to finish - how did he do it? ya know, after GF - he crafted this grand epic masterpiece spanning different generations & I could go on & on but this wasn't what I wanted to let you know about today- tangent's, etc.

so this "English" thing, right? & I've told you before that I'm convinced that I was switched at birth, because of this blood/passion that flows through & I just get this stuff, it suits me, etc., etc. so do you even know what today is? basically the 2nd most important day in a football supporters year....................It's 2nd leg semi final day! YEAH!!

& what exactly does that mean?

well, (SSiigh) (you should quite possibly know this by now.) if we retain our slight 1-0 agg. lead against London rivals Arsenal, we are through to the Champions League Final which is massive & taking place in Rome, Italy this year & someone should fly me out there for all the good I do, but that's another topic- & Rome! I mean how much more of an epic city can you stage a gladiator competition in, or should I say how much more of a fitting city, but anyway,..you get the point. (Rome!)

so in review, Godfather 2 is a total masterpiece. The perfect everything, the blueprint & Manchester United are extremely close, like "squeaky bum time" close to making the final of the European Cup again (we won it last year, no team has EVER defended it successfully) This is big & it only gets 1 step bigger which is the Final- but I'm hearing that Arsenal are totally going to go for it & attack-bonzai-attack - but we'll weather it & hopefully be OK. (SSiggghh)

local celebrity look-a-like (pt. 2)

& you start to realize that we have to do these kinds of things every now & again/

ok, dance with me

go--

bum, boom,,..dada,..bum, ba bum da dad da,....

TO KEEP OUR SANITY

lads & gashes don't ever let them tell you that,...




that was me then,....

a time ago-can you hear that world beatific?
get it,..go-
groove
funk
haha-yeah'
pulsing
repetitive
hot
afro-nights
sex in the bushes
every-ting's all right
kolo-kola
bum-bum
bum-bum
brass,flow rhythm
precussiveflow

this is me now -flowing
hot ethiopique-style
pleasing to the senses

rhumba!!



a'bah-me say
a'bah-me say
a'bah-me say
GO!!
Hey!

goooooood morning!! (photographia)

/ @ ^^ ##





that was me then.....(pens dejection)
this is me now


stumbled upon self description
en'route to vegetable ingestion
corn, tomato, bean sensation
coffee makes quick digestion

'eehh, good-day & goodbye
do not watch 13 hrs of horseie
coverage. go out-w/love

music
you need me
I need you
because
we need each other