on late friday nights before my rest,..

..I often have dreams, & in my reverie there's this incessant
tic,
tic,
tic &
boom,
boom,
boom
& a bang!
& quite possibly a high-hat rhythm
& it all concludes to some form of electronic music, followed by 3 off beats, proceeded by a low hum that seems to last for an eternity -

but before that music taps out, I'm totally aware of all my surroundings - an acquainted environment - I'm all alone in a big city, not sure which one, not Chicago, definitely not Boston, but possibly Brooklyn - equal parts birds-eye view & broken side streets mixed with a dash of paths of glory - so in this vision I seemingly awake each day to a bright & unique light, one that sheds my previous days skin, one to heat my morning coffee, & most importantly, one that reliably paves a path to an unrealistic village green 25 minutes down from my heart beating desires.

each day around noontime, I follow this aisle to my meaningful end, my attendance to this park serves as my only purpose in this surreal state - a passage to discovery - the low fuzz of a synthesized beat pulsates not only in my head, but seems to amalgamate my soul directly to the bright & unique light that seeks my heart everyday -

with a new movement in my hand I wonder the pages of purpose in my life; it may be Chilean or French, American or Brooklyn's 2nd son but these moments equate to pure simplistic bliss that my mind easily recognizes - & during these sessions, one fleeting second can pass & I breathe in & listen & sense relief & I spread my arms out to my sides like an eagle & there's that bright & unique light still shining down on my forehead & I'm still alone in that second, & nothing can distract me, nothing can pull me away from this moment - the music has stopped & I'm free to just live, & I suppose just be - my only purpose now is to simply exist, right there at that very spot of earth - & no matter what, nothing can take that away - outside sources be damned - you'll never win - you'll never beat this moment -

after my moment with the fates, I soon realize that I've become someone, or something totally different - I soon figure out that I've become just an idea of an alternate reality - still aware of my surroundings but now relegated to my fate - & in comes a new sound to my perception - it's harsh & slightly indescribable - something like the evening news or maybe a DJ from an overly popular radio station - those words - the delivery - the draw - that over compensation - but all bubble wrapped & presented straight to me with not a thought of my feelings or choices or even preferences for that matter -

dire & alone I begin my slow & daunting walk past vagrancies of all sorts to find my resting place again & hope beyond hope that I'll experience even the most modest form of temporary bliss that I've just come from, when I awake again - my path now leads down a different road, one of deli shops with the stinging sun raging down upon me - I'm back to a realistic state, smelling only street & the sweat that now forms upon my brow -as I begin the long, final ascent up to my bed, I slowly discard my clothes - one peice at a time the individual articles find a resting place on different steps of stairs I idlely climb - I crawl into bed attempting the inevitable; to lie naked & alone - no body lying next to me to calm my anxiety - no warm being in arms reach to soothe my passion & desires - I soon sink away yet again, eagerly waiting with a child-like anticipation for future possibilities of pace & youth &spirit - romance & illusion are all that escape me - I've tripped, the dream is over.