these things take time -

so speaketh Morrissey,
don't ask me about it -
just read & when I'm finished, you'll know,
you can begin to have a better understanding
Isn't that what it's all about? - Enlightenment
in your life ? yep - here I roll again.
23 - are you where you wanna be?
passing the pages of a paperback underneath
a tall tree in the breeze on a massive Monday mountain top
So here I sit, writing inane thoughts on a free bee
paper pad that I took from work - I've shed a lot of tears
over this - I feel totally alone - when I listen to the Smiths
by myself, that is. We all have that one band that makes us
feel a certain way - even on the up beat stuff -
William, It Was Really Nothing
I guess it just takes me back - Certain good & bad
memories - he's written a memoir - pain & love &
I can't really say regret, though social situations,
anxious moments - I've never really been shy, so why?
but I digress - really though, the Smiths are quite possibly
the only band I need to listen to by themselves - no play lists
this is what I would call a moderate addiction - I'll go
months without touching the stuff - then spend one
Saturday night totally immersed in it. Music is my anti-drug
in a way. Chaos Theory - the theory that total freedom exists
in the hearts of man, woman, - well children we know it does
for a time - until the search begins - the journey that I know you
are also on - Soul-drenching funk, waterfalls, seaside sit downs
mountain top excursions - no, structured restrictions come
into play. the proverbial finger darting back & forth in front
of your face, in a maze - innocence all escaped as it's played it's
part in the end of days - i've picked up some nice things along the way
but i continue my journey as magic quest - the defeater. to defeat this
feeling in my chest - to breath deep, take these reigns - yank the
stuff outta them - & steer & ride it & relax & feel the breeze & dance
& live & love & jump - I'm riding on a cloud & inhaling all this clean cloud air
listening to good cloud music to get high off of - cause there i'll be up
high above everyone - looking down at you like little ants - running
around with their cunning little heads off - trying to figure out a way -
I'll chuckle & say I've had my release & it's here I'll choose to stay - Or
I'll say some clever little saying in Latin - that sounds important & cool
& epic - but this life is kind of like art in a way - sometimes people will ask me
about a book or film - & I'll say I dunno - I guess that stuff just kind
of finds you, if your interested enough in it. so the point is, to gain what you
are looking for, you have to surrounded yourself with it, or in this situation,
*like minded people*. & things should become that much easier - you'll cut
your search in half - even sitting here writing or scribbling can be a release
be mindful that dread can & will creep in - I know, you can't help the way
you feel - I mean we all have pain - some more than others -
Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now
oh-I give up. Come pick me up - take me out - show me light -
show me your smile &
Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want
a sense of nostalgia
a sense of holding on
to the past for one last-
reason or another,
but a sense of uncertainty
in the present
I miss you, _________