things that go click in the night & little things,.

& I don't even care that the photo is cut off a little - ya now,..sod it. because it fits perfectly with my mood & i've even been contemplating opening the lid to my electronic journal entry station - for what seems like quite some time now - & have been quite literally sitting in the dark - middle of the night - upright listening for things & thinking of things & fantasizing about things - & im only being honest when i tell you the sirens!! (middle of the night!! can you believe it?)

uurrhhgg the sirens,..piercing, pulsing, pissing me off - ya know just don't,...uurrgg, i don't know, there's something about this city that wreaks of an open book that you've not quite figured out yet. not a mystery or story that reveals it's face in the end - but a,..why did i buy & start this novel in the first place type experiment.

.......& what do you know,..there they go again - i become uninterested in thelistless people that i meet. (either you're with us, or you're against us)

click - bump = boom - tick -

peering
& i feel like i'm getting a foul bit under the radar weather - with a minor threat cold - bump sniffle - & i'm a fighter at heart so don't you worry - it seems to be mostly about recovery these days & always questioning myself & other people & definitely the fact that other people are looking into my window & questioning me & watching me & looming over me like a cold - & i wonder if i'll ever get over that - & find my purpose & can i just say,.....(sneezing)

if you want to gain insight into the same b-S radar that i've acquired then take some advice i've given you in the past & read just 2, simply 2 authors that will shed light in your life,..primarily for being different & rolling by their own time clock..it's only jack kerouac (big sur) & charles bukowski ( maybe ham on rye or post office - )

you'll so quickly understand what i'm talking about when you dont understand what im talking about. & really , how much has changed in your life in the past 5 years,..? a lot for me, so you need to constantly be striving for something & try not to get lost in the muck - there's so much out there, just walk down the street - people will probably wonder why you're even walking & not driving - they'll think you're up to something - which is good, they'll be right, cause you are up to something & even better you'll be on to something,..bigger & better.

& this is not me being cynical - just true to who i am - you should remember all that talk about "emotions on sleeves" & such & "see if you can point out the impostor" business.

i'm going to attempt to go laugh myself to sleep now - laugh with the absurd - laugh with the poor at heart - laugh with the stupid drunks who get pulled over every weekend - laugh with the guy who lives on my floor who just brought home a woman - laugh with the couple who had relations out on their porch in the middle of the day - laugh with the unemployed - laugh with the business owners - laugh with the creditors - laugh with the counselors - laugh with my family - laugh with the old people just looking for a deal - laugh with my flat tire - laugh just to laugh - laugh at the kinds of people i see out - laugh at jokes - laugh at farts (they're always funny) - laugh at the listless (cause no matter what,..i'm not them) -